Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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