I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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