not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
