Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Im part way to drunk.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
