I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
