Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
