I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
