Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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