I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
