i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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