My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dignity is for republicans.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My feet surprised me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
