i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
