Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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