She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize