I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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