Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need to stop coming to work sober
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
