when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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