New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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