then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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