you would pick up someone in the library
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
