My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
