Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
