also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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