the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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