I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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