Got a toothbrush?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
