She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
