Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
