you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
