Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
