i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
