I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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