Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just gift wrapped bread.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
