the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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