I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have fence marks all over my body
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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