There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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