My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
