on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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