I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize