this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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