just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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