grandma shit on top of the toilet
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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