she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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