just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
