Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
