from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i think my cat just said my name.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
