just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
zippers are such a cool invention
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
