Already got asked if we're dating
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
