i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
