I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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