My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
