I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Found the puke drawer
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize