normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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