That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
