You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
