I want to make a zoo with you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
