I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
