remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
