Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
