You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
