Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
