Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
