the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
