I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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