I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
