How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
