You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
