I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
