Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
