She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
