Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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