1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
