I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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