Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
