So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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